Skunks, Rear-Ends, Bugs & Power Walking

My post from yesterday's journal entry...

I put on my sleek black stretch pants, laced up my shoes and started on my regular power walk on a side road about a half city block from my house. We don't live in the city, but everyone has some idea of the distance in a city block.

Just slightly down the road is a pond where I've often seen a skunk sniffing around the grass near the water. Normally, I just smile to myself as I see the wondrous site of the skunk by the pond. Today, however; the skunk decided to cross the road in front of me as I approached the pond. Thinking that the skunk would run when he saw me coming, I just continued at my normal pace.

Unfortunately, my skunk was not in any hurry. When he sensed I was getting too close he would raise his tail. Panicked, I slowed. I picked up speed; he raised his tail; I slowed, he lowered his tail; I picked up speed. We did our little dance until he was safely across the street and into the brambles.

I picked up my pace and continued up the hill.In the near distance I heard the rumble and hum of machinery. I figured the guy with the land for sale on the right was clearing brush and continued on. As I turned the bend, I see a little pickup truck with yellow lights on top and John Deere tractor with a side mower creeping along. The road crew was clearing the sides of the street.

As I pass the mower, I see the beer-bellied man sitting behind the wheel and I think to myself, "That man is going to be staring at my booty the whole way up this darn hill". I pick up my pace. I speed walk all the way to the top of the hill. As I'm making my way down the hill, I run into the mower guy again heading the other direction. Great! I set my dials on super speedy and zip down the hill.

Now this time of year is hard enough on me. I'm allergic to most grasses. I try hard not to disturb the vegetation at the end of summer. Mowed grass is a real hazard. My eyes are watering. My nose is running. I'm walking as fast as I can so the man can't stare at my rear end. My mouth is open so I can actually breathe and... a bug decides to collide with the back of my throat.

So, as I make my way back to my starting point, I'm practically running while I'm wheezing, trying to spit the bug out, and wiping my nose and eyes with the back of my hand (I didn't bring a hankie). As I make it back to the pond, I take a deep breathe, realizing that someone or something pissed off that skunk. hmmm....maybe it's me?

Do I need to count the calories in the bug I swallowed?